By the word of my testimony...

What all can I say about what I've been through. We've all been through MANY somethings. What a statement. But it's true, right. How we came out of it, what we learned from it, did we stay bitter, did we forgive and move on, did we turn it over to the Lord, are we dragging past hurts, holding a grudge,...

I've had to fight for things I've wanted, like pray hard, fight the devil in prayer so many times.  I'm still praying for healings and many other important issues, for myself and others.  Learning to stand on the Word without wavering, learning how to wait patiently for what I hope for.  Not always easy. NOT always easy one bit.  Learning to live by faith, not by sight, exercising my senses to discern both good and evil (Heb 5:14).

I used to hide in my bedroom a lot when I was a teenager, I felt like it was security, couldn't get hurt like that, you know, stay away from people.  I tried that after I got married but my husband wouldn't allow it. I've come to realize that everything I wasn't, he was; he was outgoing, I was shy; he was adventurous, I was cautious. He could cook, I couldn't. lol 

In fact, I truly believe that's one reason I felt driven to be a nurse: I couldn't "hide", I had to actually BE around people on a daily basis, like it or not, and let me tell you; sick people's loved ones can be some of the hardest people to deal with!  That's been my experience; "are you tired? why aren't you smiling? why are you making him get out of bed when he hurts so much? what are you giving him now so I can write everything down (in case the medical staff does something wrong)?"

My prayers are answered often in surprising ways, always in His timing and in HIS way, thankfully!  Like a grandchild moving on with the Lord, making mature decisions about letting a bad relationship go and still remaining hopeful for the future; another person gets healed that we've been praying for; someone you know finally forgives past hurts that has been bitter for years; someone finally forgives themselves for something they've done that you've been praying for.  I remember a friend that couldn't get over the death of her mother, she'd been grieving for so many years, she wanted to get over it but she just couldn't.  We talked and prayed and she finally gave her grief over to the Lord; it literally went away!

Whether you believe it or not, we've prayed for people to be delivered from demons; example, one from pornography and one from a spirit of suicide.  Healed and completely free, and happy!  Derek Prince, author and evangelist, if you're interested in learning about deliverance, you can find his videos on Youtube.  You may need it yourself, or you know someone that does.  Listen, Jesus healed and delivered people all the time.  In fact, other countries are well aware of demon possession, they know it's real.  Why most Americans don't is beyond me. 

My own marriage is every bit a miracle to me (a threefold cord is not easily broken; Ecc. 4:12)  An aunt once told me that people said they didn't give us a year after we got married; now it's been like forty-three years!  Ups and downs, good and bad; immature when we got married, basically grew up together, I'd say.  This testimony is for another day, however.

Not always easy. The trying of our faith works patience,...James 1:3  There's so many times I'd be hoping for a certain something to happen, maybe a healing for myself (definitely), praying for someone to change, praying for a relationship to improve, praying for what EVER.  And when it didn't happen quickly, when I felt like it should, the temptation to just plain get discouraged and even give up was usually right there, knocking on my door. 

Cry here, cry there, shout here, shout there (alone of course: with windows closed and no one home.)  I'd be wondering, what did i pray wrong, what did I say wrong, or should I pray differently, will I ever overcome this or that, are things always going to be this difficult, am i always going to be battling these certain feelings or issues,...those thoughts came when I was going through nursing school, raising three kids, marital relationship, friends, my past, our future, our PRESENT!

Then I'll get a scripture, the Lord will talk to me about whatever it is I need or am going through, peace, trust, faith, encouragement, love; whatever I need, He always provides. Always.

Sometimes I feel like that religious spirit, or that old denominational thing I used to live in, that said I had to do everything right, under the law, creeps in, then the Lord reminds me that I'm under Grace, not the Law. The Law was to show us we CAN'T do everything right and we need a Savior.  Do you ever feel like you beat yourself up over things you should have done differently? Well, I have, I've got a history of that.  Harder on myself I believe than others are on me.  

But I know, my hope is in Him. And He will never leave me nor forsake me. He never has, even when I'd let Him down, He never let ME down.  Even during the times I got distracted with my own life or too busy to spend time with Him, He never left me.  I can look back and tell.  When I speak to Him, He always lets me know He heard me and He is SO RIGHT HERE. Beyond understanding. Amazing.